Moments I want to remember...

Friday, July 29, 2005

Hot and Sticky Sisters

This is from Wolf trap at 10am and it was nasty out, look how happy the sisters are:

Allready a party girl, eating chips and dip

Pretty girls

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Smoking thoughts

So, I was just outside smoking, when will I quit???? My head is hurting so bad, I think I have a sinus infection. I am going to the doctor’s this afternoon. So, I am laying on the bench smoking and thinking about friends, relationships, just kind of day dreaming and then I had a thought. Do people really change so dramatically as they get older or is that the person they always were. I know people change, but (in my humble opinion) usually it’s for the better as they get older. So, I am thinking about a person I called friend, possibly even best friend at one point and I wonder. How can people change so much and not for the better (again, my opinion), they are superficial and fake now. What happened, or happens? How could I love someone so much and now can’t stand to be around them? It just baffles me cause most of the people in my life I have called friends, even since high-school, are still that. Even if we don’t talk often, the relationships haven’t changed. Even if I haven’t talked to them for a year, when we do talk it’s like no time has passed. I don’t even know them anymore. Is it just me? How can a person become an entire new person and only held on to the bad qualities? It makes me a little sad, like I would like to save them, but I know I can’t, I know it wouldn’t be worth my time or energy. I also wonder if anyone else has noticed or it is just me? Well, that was about 10 minutes of my day thus far.

So, last night, I exercised for the 4th night in a row!!! Goooooo Me! I did the treadmill, the elliptical and added the bike. My legs were killing me at the end. Aimee met me afterwards and we took the kids to the pool for all of 20 minutes before the sky turned black and the storm came. I think I walked up and down my stairs about 6 times last night, plus I did work stairs twice yesterday. I think I will give my legs a little rest today and swim again.

Moe called last night, but I missed it, hmmmmmmmm. That guy really confuses me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Made it through one more day and night

Last night I did it, I made myself exercise. I felt really ucky for some reason the last half of the day. So, my plan was to go home and clean the house and get the laundry put away, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! So, I threw the pork chops in the oven and made up my mind I would just go walk on the treadmill, maybe it would make me feel better. So, I threw on the work out clothes, grabbed the water bottle and headed over. I started out walking and than picked up the pace and before I knew it my 10 minutes was up and I was over a half a mile and I was feeling better. So, I stretched a little and hopped on the elliptical machine and went another ten minutes and did a mile! YEAH! So, the girls were in luck cause I was feeling much better and so we went to the pool. No laps this time, just did lots of bouncing and leg exercises, hopped across the pool. Hee Hee! Came home and had a delicious dinner, pork chops, green beans and mac and cheese. After dinner I cleaned the kitchen thoroughly and it needed it and started folding clothes.

I have been trying to stay very busy up until I am about to fall asleep so I don’t think about Ry. Last night was so far the hardest. I just kept thinking about how he felt when he read that horrible angry letter I sent. I was scared he might come over and flip out on me. I even locked my bedroom door and had 911 programmed in the phone so all I had to do was hit redial. I am paranoid. I don’t think he would really hurt me, but you never know how people might react to such hateful hurtful words, especially when all my actions are a result of an assumption really. What’s done is done, I keep reminding myself, move on!!!!! I had a hard time falling to sleep with those thoughts, but I did and I slept good!!!!! No crazy dreams last night.

Woke up feeling refreshed and ready to start a new day, thank you Lord for all my blessings and strength, Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

and I love these found on bug repell catnip site

Can someone buy them for me??? I am Sunshine!!!!

Catnip repells Bugs????

natural bug repellent. The key ingredient in this lotion is catnip essential oil, which studies have found is 10 times more effective at repelling mosquitos than the compound used in most commercial bug sprays! Essential oils of citronella and lemongrass were also added, known for their bug repellent properties. The base oils are jojoba and sweet almond oil, both of which absorb quickly and provide moisture without leaving the skin feeling oily. The dominant scent is citronella. My favorite thing about this lotion (besides keeping the bugs from biting) is it doesn't leave any bad tasting chemicals on you... I'm sure most of you know that horrible taste of commercial bug repellents, that no matter how hard you try not to get on your hands it still ends up getting there and ruining that perfect smore! This lotion is a great natural alternative to commercial chemical bug repellents and comes in a 4 oz size. *NOTE: Avoid using during pregnancy.

Very crazy dream

I had a dream that Barbie was 9 months pregnant and ready to give birth any moment. We were walking around shopping when she went in to labor. We hurried home (not sure why home instead of hosp.) and called everyone and gather some things, Barbie made sandwiches and some fruit salad. We grabbed up all the stuff and threw it in to a suitcase and than WALKED, can you believe it, walked to the hospital, Barbie said I needed to stay on my exercise routine and I wasn’t going to be able to for a few days so get it in now. When we got to the hospital, which was more like a house, Danny, Claudia and my Mom met us up there. We all went in to the delivery room with the staff and I coached Barbie while Clussy wiped her face down with a wet wash cloth and chanted, Danny just stood next to her on the other side mouth dropped open, speechless and ghost like. Than the baby came out, it was a BIG baby, but here’s the funny part, it had red hair. (I think cause I have been playing with this baby at Aimee’s everyday and I love her, she has red hair and the baby looked like her to me) Nobody mentioned anything about it in the dream though. She was beautiful and her name was Madeleine. We called her Maddy. So, my Mom took her for a couple days so Barbie could re-coop and than I had her for a week while Danny and Barbie married, honey mooned and moved in together. Matia and my girls were with my Mom for the week. It was crazy, very real and I loved Maddy, Clussy and I both took the week off to care for her.

Then I woke up very confused, cause it was of those very realalistic dreams.

This is what the baby looked like when she came out:

getting through the break-up

So, it’s been five days since my horrible night of going to Ry’s and being totally disrespected, by who I assume was him. I am such a spaz sometimes, jumping to conclusions and than going with it w/o any facts. Part of me still believes I was looking for a way out, an excuse, no matter how much I love and care about him. He just isn't living the lifestyle that I can accept right now. At this point I don’t think I will ever hear from him again. My hurtful angry letter must have reached him yesterday and I am sure he is hating me and hurting from all the words I spewed out of fury and pain. I am just trying to get through each day and not think about all the "what if’s", but it is so hard. I do regret sending the letter, because I sent it with a mission of making him feel like straight shit in all aspects of his life. Don’t people around me know not to cross the line with me. I look at it like this, I will love you with everything and you will know it, but when you hurt me and cross over all the energy I put in to love now goes in to a brand new area, and it’s not pretty, at all. Something snaps in me, I sware I don’t even know how I can say or do some of the things I have when I am hurt.

Okay, okay, what’s done is done, get over it and move on. I am trying to stay busy. Went swimming last night and did lots of laps, I counted at least 30 and than I was pretty much dead and just swimming/floating back and forth after that. Went home and cooked dinner. I wasn’t hungry for dinner so I munched on some veggies instead. Did some laundry, no I didn't fold it, and put pictures in my photo album. I took a sleeping pill and went to sleep. I slept great again, love those sleeping pills. Hopefully I will be able to take them for a few weeks and than sleep on my own. I figure in a few weeks I will be on an exercise routine and sleep hopefully will come naturally.

Monday, July 25, 2005

look at this funny thing!

Friday, July 22, 2005

I needed this a looong time ago

If A Man Wants U
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't be friends."A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.The only person you can control in a relationship is you.Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his.Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything.He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior.Change comes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.Never let a man define who you are.Never borrow someone else's man.If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two w ay street.You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.(Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!) Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.Keep him in your radar but get to know others. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Am I really this f-in' pathetic

why did you hurt me?
why did you go and leave?
why did you say those things,that you really didn't mean?
why do i still love you?
why can't i let you go?
why don't i see u left me to be,without you on my own?
why do i want you back?
you don't deserve what i have,why do i always think about,what me and you had?
why am i here still crying?
my love for you is not yet dying,why won't you come back to me,and be the guy that i need?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Boobs are outta control

My boss just told me she was going to have to send me home cause I have to much of the cleavage showing. My goodness, I can't help that they are there, but I know that others in the office where much more revealing things than the little v-neck sweater I have on today. Wish we were having happy hour today so you all could see it. Boss said something to the effect, "If one more person makes a comment I have to send you home". At this time of the day, send me home. I am not feeling so hot anyway, my throat is ouchy. I still can't believe my breast are going to get me sent home, come on now!!!!!

And I thought I was Big here

I would love to look like this again.

Awwwww, I want to be normal again

As in not FAT!!!!! I love these pictures, this one us with the birds is from my birthday two years ago and the one of us laughing is from my birthday last year!!

Better moring than yesterday, kinda

I left my lunch at home this morning!!! I am so mad. I made a very yummy wrap, with hummus, sprouts, turkey and a little cheese. Now I will end up eatting crap for lunch and my wrap will be bad by the time I get home cause I left it out on the counter. That's what I get for rushing, the girls are going to the zoo this mornng and I was so focused on them and making sure they had all their stuff I forgot mine! Humph!

I did workout last night and felt good this morning, planning to workout again tonight. I will post pics of me when I was at my goal weight! Here is fatty me from a few weeks ago.

My Alley Cat, Sassy

She really is much cuter in person, Cluss????

My King

This is what Clussy gives my kitties to drink, Simba was loving it.


My Baby Simba, a little male version of Lexi

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Should have listened to the kids

As usual, running late this morning and, instead of listening to the kids, I decided to go my way and cut through a parking lot and got a ticket this morning. Still haven’t paid the one from last month for going over the line.
F%$*!!!!!!!!! Well, there goes the rest of my fun money, the tickets together are $304 and some change. I am so mad! I think I will call my prepaid legal and see if they can’t try to get me out of the one I got today. All my birthday money is officially gone and I am sad. Still a month and some weeks left of summer. No more fun for me! :( Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Who wants to give me money to lose weight????? or other things? ;)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, that made me smile!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Lessons learned for the summer

Lesson Learned this weekend: No outside shows for kids in the AM when it is Hot, Humid and Sticky outside. Shouldn't I knw this, my kids are 10.

Barbie and I took the kids to see a kids show at Wolf Trap Sat. morning. It was at 10, but all three kids were tired and grumpy. The show was aight, wasn’t expecting to much for $8. It was in the woods though, the day after a storm, and was just nasty out. Left over water continued to drip on us from the tress above and the benches we sat on were wet. The kids were grumpy and complaining, hot and tired, oh and how could I forget……
Thirsty. Ahhh, well what could I do, but beg the kids to pose for pictures of this memorable event.

Sat. night we all headed to Aimee’s for the fight! We had a great time and discovered a new drink, Pink Lemonade Margaritas. Ouuuuuuweeeeee, yummy, these we deeeeeeelishhhhhous, like candy. I drank half the blender full after passing out the baby cups to everyone for the first round. I will be making these again, good call Aimee. It was her idea, I just made the drink.


You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Very funny drawings

TGIF and Ryan

So, I can’t believe I didn’t write about this over the weekend, but it is still very fresh on my mind. Men, young maybe, are so predictable sometimes. I called Ryan to see what he was up to and if he wanted to hang out Friday night. (since Clussy already had plans and I couldn’t Clussynap her) He said he wanted to go out of town, but wasn’t cause of the weather, blah..blah…blah, but wanted to be alone. Cool! So, I went to the ABC store and Blockbusters and knew he would be over later. I knew this cause I didn’t make a big deal out of it and didn’t really care if he came over, I had to get up early on Sat. anyway. So funny because if I would have gave him a hard time about not wanting to come over he wouldn’t have, but because I was okay with it, I had a feeling he would show up. I just don’t understand. So, he came over and I was laying in bed watching a movie sipping on strawberry vodka and mountain dew. I know very random mix, but it was yummy. He came in and showered me with kisses. He looked really tired, but asked if I wanted a massage, OF COURSE I do. I threw my shirt off and laid on my belly, so excited, cause my back has been hurting. He did an incredible job, as always, I drifted off many times. He gave me full body, which he usually does, and they last for a good 45 minutes. So, he started to get really tired and I could tell, so I flipped over and snuggled with him. I rubbed his neck and face, ran my nails up and down his arms until he fell asleep. I think he slept for about 20 minutes and I don’t know what came over him, maybe a dirt bird dream while I was caressing him, cause he just started kissing me and loving on me out of no where. Than, we made love for over an hour, few breaks in between, it was amazing. It was wonderful, it was completely satisfying. In fact I haven’t bothered him since. We were so hot and sweaty when the session was done and just laid laughing and talking and fell asleep, both so satisfied and content. When I woke up to go potty he was still smiling, awwww! Sat. morning was very rough, getting up and getting the kids ready for Wolf Trap, but I was still smiling and feeling magnificent. There are moments when I understand why I put up with his crap, this being one of them. Friday night he was totally attentive to me and my needs and was so unselfish, than there’s the other 8O% of the time. ; )

Friday, July 15, 2005

Kids didn't show up

I love it!!!!!!

Coolest Site ever

Here's what I created, I love it!!!! So much fun!! Clussy don't spend your whole day on here!!!

It'sssssssssssssssssssssss FRIIIIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAY

So, I am listening to the radio on the way in earlier this week and I hear that the news guy on the radio station I have been listening to the last 14 years has passed. He found out a month and a half ago that he was sick and it just crept up fast. Why am I writing about this well, every Friday the girls and I (since they were about two) have listened to his "Iiiiiiiiitttttttt'ssssssssssssssssssss FriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiDayyyyyyyyyyyyyy"! The girls when they were litte were so excited about it and actually even just last week they were too. When I told them, they both shed a few tears, cause it has been like a tradition for us since they could talk to say it with him. :( Rest In Peace David Haines and May God Bless your family left behind. I actually just emailed the family (Wife) to share my story of tradition with her from high-school with my friends to last week with my daughters'.

Last night I sorted through pictures from 2000-2003. I came across so many memories that made me smile, laugh, cry, feel all nostalgic. I piled up five different piles, well six, but I can't talk about that one.
1. Barbie and Me
2. Tricia, Tyra and Matia (a few of their stinkin father)
3. Tricia, Tyra and I
4. Clussy and I
5. Aimee and I

I can't wait. I found pictures and relived memories I had totally forgot about. Amen to pictures. The funny thing is I have these big piles and only two years I have gone through, hee hee! I am out of control

Clussy, when do I get my new camera, I am too excited!!!!! Help the poor single Mom with two kids. :) Haaaaaaaa!!!! love you the mostest! (the authentic "mostest")

Thursday, July 14, 2005

is this me or what?

I don't know about the secret part, unless I am TOLD to keep it secret, but good at it, not, but I will if you make me.

The World's Shortest Personality Test
You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.You are good natured and people enjoy your company.You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.


This reminds me of Cluss, Marsh, Bug and I.
Our elements.....

I new there was a "Harmony" Day, I should have taken it off, but when is it? When is "Harmony" Day? Does anyone out ther know? Please let me in, being that it is MY day? :) I make myself giggle, probably way to much.

I have so much work to do.....but.....


Triangle, a poem I wrote for Ryan

How did it happen and when, I didn’t have a clue
As to when I got caught up in the love triangle of you and me and you.

One so good to me, but not the other, one I can’t wait to see
And the other I run for cover.

One brings me flowers and greets me with a warm smile, the other leaves me sitting and waiting and not for just a little while

One full of love with a big heart, open arms, and a feeling so safe, why can’t I just be with him all of the time, stuck in this love triangle, no one else’s decision but mine

One I love and adore with all my heart, he is open, loving and kind, the other is closed off to the world and leaves me going out of my mind

Love triangle, You and Me and You, I keep waiting for there to be one instead of two

One trusts and gives of himself so free, the other he is most of the time, especially when with me.

He doesn’t get it, can’t see the difference in the two, or why I am so confused, doesn’t know about the love triangle of me and him and him, nothing I can do.

I fall for the words and the beautiful brown eyes of the man I adore, he never leaves me wanting more, says the right things and looks in to my eyes, tell me he loves me, question if what he says is nothing but lies.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Scrapbook from 30th almost done

I worked my butt off last night on my book from my seventies party. I love it. I can't wait to start on my next one. I can't decide what my next one will be. I am thinking, "My favorites". I know this will be a HUGE book though. Just sitting here thinking about all my favorites, I am overwhelmed. I think of many favorites from the year 2000, even 1999. Hmmmmm, this will be fun. I am thinking of dedicating 1 page to each moment/ memory.

So, on to other things, Maxine is just calling like nothing ever happened and no words were exchanged, I have decided I will just avoid her calls and pass the phone and let the girls talk if they want too. I don't even feel right when I have spoke to her and I don't have the energy to be fake with my Mother. She shold be the one person I can keep it real with. I think this whole episode will take me much longer than she thinks to get over. The first step is I need an apology and I doubt I will ever get that. All I can say is this sucks!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

playing on Google again

Made me think of Lyly

Can't wait for the babies to come in to the world! I am so excited for a third set of twins in the group.

Sending you lots of love and strength during your pregnancy Ly, may God Bless you three for the next 7 months and your life time.

Me and my Noonies...aka Clussy

This is POWERFUL, makes you really think

Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and of true progress.
-Nicholas Murray Butler

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken
probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts
too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with
your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love
like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. So send this to all of
your friends and share this with them.

Champions Of Faith Are People Who Have Learned From Their Failures.

Maxine Update

Red is my angry Maxine color!!!! This woman, I believe has really gone crazy. She called my cell yesterday and acted like nothing happened, I thought only men do that. I answered the phone a little thrown off:

Me: Hellllo
Max: How are you (not cheery, but happy)
Me: Aight, wassup?
Max: I was just calling to check on you
Me: I'm good, anything else
Max: Just wanted to check on you
Me: I'm good, alright, Bye
Max: long pause.................... I am going to call the girls later
Me: k, Bye

and with that I hung up. She is weird, crazy, off the rocker. She did talk to the girls, but I didn't talk to her again. Each time she called, I just gave them the phone. I did maintain control though, very proud of me for that.

Something to really think about

Charles Schultz Philosophy------
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the
"Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions.
Just read the e-mail, straight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor
and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. Theseare no
second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause
dies. Awards tarnish. Acheivements are forgotten. Accolades and
certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones
with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the
ones that care.
Pass share this with those people who have made a difference in your life.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow
in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

Save long entries

A lesson I learned yesterday after typing about my whole weekend and then losing it, sucks. I don't want to write it all over again. Humph! Yesterday was like every other day, nothing special. I did go home and scrapbook, even though I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I was scaerd to look at what I did in my book this morning as a result of my sleepiness. There are so many books I want to work on I don't know where to begin. I am thinking if I just start on this year and move forward, maybeone day I will be a kept woman and be able to go back and do others. I want to do one of Clussy and me, for myself. I made one for her bday for her last year and I love it. I want to do one of Tricia, Tyra and Matia. I want to do one of Ryan and I. I want to just do one of my favorite memories, I think that one will be great. it will be big though, cause I got lots. Maybe I could get a 12x12 and put one memory on each page. I am excited. I really love doing it. The girls want to also, I think we will dedicate the dining room table to it until school starts back up. I love scrapping and seeing the finished product. I am almost done with my bday book from last year. Yeah!

Friday, July 08, 2005

What Slanguage Do You Speak?
Your Slanguage Profile
Aussie Slang: 50%
New England Slang: 25%
Prison Slang: 25%
Southern Slang: 25%
Victorian Slang: 25%
British Slang: 0%
Canadian Slang: 0%

My dinner date

Last night my dear Clussy sat in horrible traffic to come all the way out to Hoodbridge to have dinner with me. We went to Olive Garden. I have been craving it ever since she told me about her dinner she had a couple weeks ago. We had a great time, laughed so hard out tummy's hurt. I had super delicious ravioli: Shrimp & Crab Ravioli: Shrimp and crab-filled ravioli in a creamy seafood sauce, topped with shrimp and sun-dried tomatoes. We went to Cold Stone afterwards where Clussy had a horrible experience of the employee jumping down her throat for her to make a decision, so she just rattled off a few things before I knew what was going on. Poor baby, she doesn't do good with pressure or someone in her face. If the girl wasn't 15/16 I would have cussed her out. I still enjoyed the ice cream, my favorite. We went back to my house and watched a little Will and Grace and than the Bobby Brown reality show, which was disgusting. The behaviors were out of control and they were on drugs and he was drunk half the show. I can't believe they really have that showing on TV, I am sick, what next?

Ryan called a few times, than he said he was coming over, cause he had to get up early. You think he did, no. It's all dark in the room cause of the rainy day, fan in his face. I tried to wake him up a few times, but he wouldn't budge so I set the alarm and left for work.

He has been so sweet the last few days, very loving. He even asked about the water park again last night. I told him I think we should drive separate, cause I am heading to Barbie's afterwards, I expected a smart comment or something but he just said, ok.

I feel asleep all curled up in his arms while he played with my hair, that's the best.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

My real flava

You Are Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

You are kind, popular, and generous.You tend to be successful at anything you try.A social butterfly, you are great at entertaining a crowd.

You are most compatible with strawberry ice cream.

I think I was answering for mt kids the other day, this is me!

Clussy makes me laugh

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Keys to My Heart...don't think I agree totally

The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Hump day

This may be very hard to read, but I don't care, just needed a sunny kind of color. Still haven't emailed max, but I want to, just trying to find a nice short version to get my point across.

I talked to Moe last night over IM, it was a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation, but one that needed to be had. I felt bad cause I can still tell, even over IM he loves me very much, even after being a part for two years. I feel very confused about him at this point. I laid in bed after signing off for about two hours with all kinds of why's and what if's running through my head.

Ryan was moody the couple times I called him yesterday and I am really questioning us and what we are doing. It sucks cause I just fought so hard for us to work it out and now I don't even know if it is worth it. He is so busy and really doesn't have time for me and although I try to convince myself it will get better, I don't think it will. He was an ass to me yesterday and than called last night all sweet, whateva Nigga! Said he wanted to see me and he was coming over, didn't believe that either and thank goodness, cause he didn't. I am bored with it. I feel like he is the one bitching and I am the one trying, not fair. So, I think I will have a little talk with him about the situation, cause that is what it is, not a relationship, but a situation. Hopefully it will go as good as it can, the last talk we had about the "boy toy" thing did, but with no resolution. I am ready to throw the towel in, just don't want any regrets.

Awwww, well, we are half way through the week and almost through the day, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! Doing good with not smoking, if I could just get a grip on the weekends.

Happy happy joy joy

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Maxine...the mother

So, I finally opened up my card from my Mom that she gave me on my Birthday. The one she took back when I told her something she didn't like and told me I didn't deserve anything and then through back on the table before she stormed out the door.

She pretty much ruined my birthday, thank goodness it was the end of the night already, by acting like a spoiled rotten selfish brat. All day I wished she was going to call and say she wasn't coming, because I had a bad feeling she would so something ignorant.

So, over the weekend, I called and tried to muster out a sincere thankyou that I left on her voicemail. I wasn't expecting her to return a call or anything, in fact I hoped she didn't. The thing that pisses me off though is, the girls left her several messages over the weekend and she didn't bother to return their calls.

That's something so immature and petty, I never thought she would go that low to ignore her grandchildren, but at this point I won't put anything past her. I want to confront her on the situation but I am not sure how to w/o going off on her completely and saying or doing something I will regret. She has so fucked up. I am tried of making excuses for her to the girls, you know like I do about their father. I never thought I would have to for grandma. I just want to call her and tell her not to take it out on them and than part of me is like maybe they are better off right now not being around her cause she is "Crazy" right now for real.

GET over it Max, you are not the mother anymore, missed out on that opportunity.

My name stands for

H is for Hip
A is for Alluring
R is for Revolutionary
M is for Musical
O is for Outrageous
N is for Nice
Y is for Young

What flavor am I

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream

Your personality is anything but "vanilla"
You're a risk taker, who's up for anything new.
You go well with anyone and fit into any situation.

You are most compatible with rocky road ice cream.