Moments I want to remember...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

listening and learning

I hate trying to come up with a title when I just want to write what I want to write and be done. Maybe I should just write and not even think about the title and then go back to it after writing.

So I have not been good about sticking with my initative to stay on top of this blog thing this week. I mean here it is Thursday, YEAH!!!!! Thursday again, already, how do the weeks keep flying by and when will it slow down. It seems I miss alot of the week but Thursdays they seem to stick out for me and maybe because it's one day before Friday and I love Fridays even if I have to be at work for 8 hours, which I don't hate. I enjoy coming to work and I am thankful for that.

Soooooooooooooooo...back to where i just wanted to write. Lots has been going on and my mind is racing and I am overwhelmed to a certain point with life, or maybe just other peoples lives, not really my own. My life, well, it is good and I am happy and my kids are wonderful, although they can do better in school. When people ask me how am I doing the first word that comes to mind is blessed, the second wonderful. and I know because I have had lots of how are yous this morning. My circle of friends however, it seems like lots is going on and not leaning towards wonderful. For me that is hard, one because I am a fixer, a care taker, a problem solver, a believer in this to shall pass, we WILL get through this and we can. AND...when it is one person in my circle it is okay I can take on the negative vibes and the whoa is me and HELP...when it feels like it is my whole circle, it affects me and HARD. I know I can not save the world but DAMNIT I will give it my best shot and try as hard as I can and give it my all when it comes to those around me and the people I love and care about. Reality as SMACKED me in the face that sometimes I can't do it all and I just have to pray and put all my faith in God and my friends and stand back. I am sure I have done this in the past too, but not a time that I can pull up out of my memories. Probably cause I try to ONLY store the good ones and let the bad ones go.

My, what I thought was a permenant, sleepover has ended and it is a good thing. It is neat to sit back and watch your friends grow. Not really grow up but just grow as a person and for the better. It is even better when you watch that friend figure it out on their own and then you can cheer them on and support their own strengths they have drawn from and their own ideas and solutions. I have watched a lot of my closest friends really grow in the last year or two. I have seen some incredible changes and for the better. I have watched them learn about themselves and the stregnths they have within them and when to dig deep and pull it out. I have watched them go through things and have major success come out of it all and for me it is INCREDIBLE. I love it and it warms my heart and their success are mine as much as theirs so it encourages me and fills me with positive energy and fight and I love it!!! It has also taught me many things about myself, like how much of a freaking enabler I am!!!! I soothe, I coddle, I am the one that will convince you IT will be alright, but I am also recognizing that isn't always the best, nor does it always help the person at hand, my friend. The other thing I have learned it I chose TOUGH hard ass friends who give it to me straight and maybe expect the samething in return. I also make sure I have the one friend who will take care of my soul, my feelings, my emotions, the fact that I am beyond sensative and chose her words carefully and guess what...she is the one I run to first. She also gives it to me straight and tough but with an approach I can handle and actually listen to w/o running to the corner to hide. I tried to use what I ahve learned from her and how she deals with me to deal with this last craziness of the world and I think it made a diffence. I thank her for being the incredible friend she is and a great influence on me because I think she is an incredible woman all around. I am so grateful to have her in my life and to know when I am down I can call on her. I am so blessed to call her my friend and I am so lucky to have a friend like her in my corner which gives me the stregnth to be there for my many other best friends. I trust her and I listen to her and more importantly I hear her and I am so grateful to be so blessed and lucky to have someone like her in my life..someone I KNOW and am 1000% positive has my best interest at heart all the time everytime w/o a doubt. Thank you my soul mate, my friend, thank you for all your words and all the help!!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!


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