getting through the break-up

So, it’s been five days since my horrible night of going to Ry’s and being totally disrespected, by who I assume was him. I am such a spaz sometimes, jumping to conclusions and than going with it w/o any facts. Part of me still believes I was looking for a way out, an excuse, no matter how much I love and care about him. He just isn't living the lifestyle that I can accept right now. At this point I don’t think I will ever hear from him again. My hurtful angry letter must have reached him yesterday and I am sure he is hating me and hurting from all the words I spewed out of fury and pain. I am just trying to get through each day and not think about all the "what if’s", but it is so hard. I do regret sending the letter, because I sent it with a mission of making him feel like straight shit in all aspects of his life. Don’t people around me know not to cross the line with me. I look at it like this, I will love you with everything and you will know it, but when you hurt me and cross over all the energy I put in to love now goes in to a brand new area, and it’s not pretty, at all. Something snaps in me, I sware I don’t even know how I can say or do some of the things I have when I am hurt.

Okay, okay, what’s done is done, get over it and move on. I am trying to stay busy. Went swimming last night and did lots of laps, I counted at least 30 and than I was pretty much dead and just swimming/floating back and forth after that. Went home and cooked dinner. I wasn’t hungry for dinner so I munched on some veggies instead. Did some laundry, no I didn't fold it, and put pictures in my photo album. I took a sleeping pill and went to sleep. I slept great again, love those sleeping pills. Hopefully I will be able to take them for a few weeks and than sleep on my own. I figure in a few weeks I will be on an exercise routine and sleep hopefully will come naturally.