Moments I want to remember...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

getting through the break-up

So, it’s been five days since my horrible night of going to Ry’s and being totally disrespected, by who I assume was him. I am such a spaz sometimes, jumping to conclusions and than going with it w/o any facts. Part of me still believes I was looking for a way out, an excuse, no matter how much I love and care about him. He just isn't living the lifestyle that I can accept right now. At this point I don’t think I will ever hear from him again. My hurtful angry letter must have reached him yesterday and I am sure he is hating me and hurting from all the words I spewed out of fury and pain. I am just trying to get through each day and not think about all the "what if’s", but it is so hard. I do regret sending the letter, because I sent it with a mission of making him feel like straight shit in all aspects of his life. Don’t people around me know not to cross the line with me. I look at it like this, I will love you with everything and you will know it, but when you hurt me and cross over all the energy I put in to love now goes in to a brand new area, and it’s not pretty, at all. Something snaps in me, I sware I don’t even know how I can say or do some of the things I have when I am hurt.

Okay, okay, what’s done is done, get over it and move on. I am trying to stay busy. Went swimming last night and did lots of laps, I counted at least 30 and than I was pretty much dead and just swimming/floating back and forth after that. Went home and cooked dinner. I wasn’t hungry for dinner so I munched on some veggies instead. Did some laundry, no I didn't fold it, and put pictures in my photo album. I took a sleeping pill and went to sleep. I slept great again, love those sleeping pills. Hopefully I will be able to take them for a few weeks and than sleep on my own. I figure in a few weeks I will be on an exercise routine and sleep hopefully will come naturally.

6 Comments:

  • Good for you on all accounts HOMEy. I hope your determination carries you even further and to a much more balanced and proud place where you love yourself too much to let anyone come at you w/less respect than you deserve.

    Have you tried sleeping w/out the use of the pills? Please try.

    I wanna go swimming! it's been forever! I even bought a new bikini a few weeks ago that has yet to be broken in. Hook it up! ;-)

    By Blogger Claudette, At 10:26 AM  

  • I will try sleeping this weekend w/o, but during the week, I need my sleep to function at work and they aren't really sleeping pills, they are hmmmmm, the doctor explained; they don't make you fall asleep, just help to keep you in a deep sleep once you are alseep. They are really anti-depressants, but were found to work better with sleeping. :) Don't worry they aren't addictive, I talked to the doc first.

    FYI...Barbie and I are taking the kids swimming on Sat. out there at one of her pools if you want to join us and break in the new bikini.

    By Blogger Harmony, At 10:30 AM  

  • :-/ MIL is still here on Sat (leaves Sat night) so as much as I'd love to break it in (very cute, white with little bright green, yellow and pink polka dots, kinda 60's in style and cut) and join ya at the pool, I gotta be matronly Clussy till Sat night.

    You know, the MIL is all affectionate towards me and hugging me hello and goodbye and talking to me more. What made her now decide to lover her some Clussy?

    By Blogger Claudette, At 11:01 AM  

  • doh, not lover me but love me. No rrrr, no errrrr!

    By Blogger Claudette, At 11:01 AM  

  • How many times do I have to tell you, NO errrrrrr, it gets you in trouble. Now that is a funny story!

    The answer to your question, she is loving you cause she thinks she has poinsed you and you will not be here very long and if she loves you than when you are gone Lu will love her that much more for loving you. It's all in the plan.

    Who cares, I am just glad she is, maybe she finally sees the Clussy we all do and love. (Hmmm, "we all do", I am a dirt bird) Just be happy you are not dealing with the other crap and enjoy it. I love you and you are a wonderful woman and it's about time she accepts it.

    By Blogger Harmony, At 11:42 AM  

  • Swimming is totally awesome.

    I'm pretty sure I'm going to be getting back into it at the end of the sailing season.

    By Blogger MG, At 12:11 PM  

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