Moments I want to remember...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

And I am the "good" girl after all

Last night I talked to D. This is such a moment of happiness for me, but also a moment of harsh reality and being grown up.

When I was 14 and met D, I loved him right from the start, he and I hit it off and were instant best friends. We did everything together and didn't worry about those we were currently involved with. We decided they would just have to deal with it and he cause he and I were just friends. Of course that only lasted so long, but unfortunately we were never both single at the same time for many months. I don't remember how many months it was before we finally got together but when we did we were "That" couple in high-school.

So this past weekend, when he came over, it was just like it was when we were younger. When he called and said he was right around the corner, my heart pounded and I had butterflies. I went outside to wait for him to pull up. As soon as he saw me, he came around the corner and pulled in the first available spot and hopped out of the car and came running. Memories, so many of them flashed through my head in those few seconds before we reached each other. It was one of those moment of your life flashing before your eyes, but everything I remembered were precious memories of me and my friend. I ramparts the first time I went to NC try visit him when I was 16 after he had moved down there and when we pulled up to the house how he was sitting waiting for me. I remembered us holding each other for minutes, a lot of them. I remembered each and everytime we saw each other after time had passed. For only a few minutes I forgot he was married and held him tight in my arms and enjoyed the flow of kisses that he was giving me all over my face, except my lips. Then reality hit me like a rock hits your windshield while driving on the highway when he stopped and was about to kiss my lips. I remembered the look and I had to turn away and break out of the arms that I used to feel so safe in. For such a skinny man I have always felt so safe in his arms and by his side. I guess because he has always defended me and had my back since we were kids. As we walked to the room, which was actually like a two bedroom apartment, he grabbed my hand and held it all the way there. He must have told he 20 times in a matter of 5 minutes how beautiful I am and how my smile melts his heart. It was nice to hear, but the whole time my conscience and morals are reminding me of his other half at home. We got in to the room and he sat on the couch and I sat on the other side. We talked and talked and talk and talked. We sat there and talked for five and a half hours w/o a break. He moved closer and closer to me, he took my feet and put them in his lap, he said he wanted to have me close to him and at that point I had to let him know that is didn't matter to me what was going on at home, he was still married.

Flash back: When we were younger we used to always claim each other, no matter what. I would always tell him, when we talked I was his and always would be and he would tell me the same. No matter who we were involved with no one ever seem to replace we held in each others hearts for many years. I remember telling him he would always be mine even if we went 20 years w/o seeing each other and then we did, I would claim him as my own and it wouldn't matter to me who he was with or what was going on, he would be mine. I guess times have changed and I have grown up and I have also accepted he isn't mine anymore. I could have been one of those woman who doesn't give fuck and I am sure I could've have had him anyway I wanted but I am not that woman. Part of me wishes I was a little, cause it's been a LOOOONG time.

So, we reminisced about everything for a couple of the hours, about all the crazy shit we did as kids and all the crazy things we did together. We were so adventurous. We just loved talking walks together. We loved playing in the rain. We loved finding new places to get it on. We loved going places we had never been. We would get in the car and just go sometimes. We loved sunsets and sunrises and watched many of them together. We were both pretty broke as teens, but we still did more then most. It was exciting all the memories he brought back to life for me that I had forgotten about and vice versa. It warmed my heart how much he remembered. I guess I never thought it meant to him as much as it did to me. We talked about the fights we had and when we made up. He told me he loved me time after time. I wanted to tell him to leave his wife, but again, I didn't.

So, at about 530 in the am I told him I had to go to sleep, because the girls and I had big plans for the day. He didn't want to leave, but he had a busy day ahead of him too.

Later that day the girls and I went by his job and he took us for ice cream next door at Cold Stone. We had a good time and he got to meet my young ladies. They bonded instantly which I thought was cool. They liked him a lot. There was lots of laughing and giggling going on. I kind of just watched and thought about him and I.

The next day he came back to our place at 0930 and we all went out to breakfast. We were there for over 3 hours and again I had to break it up cause we had to get on the road. He has called many times and is telling me how much he misses me and needs to see me/us again sooner then later. He said he is going to try to figure out how he can fix the issues and deal with them. I am not counting on anything. A a matter of fact when he said that I responded one day at a time and you don't need to jump so fast.

So here we are. I miss him and I want to call him and email him and I want to tell him how much I love him and how I feel when I am with him, but instead I am being a good girl and behaving myself. I am holding back everything I want to share and do. I know it is the right thing and I know what comes around goes around. Most importantly I know, this like my life is in His hands and that is where it will go in the direction it is meant too.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Me and Dilly, my first love ...

A look at our lives through pics over the years, I am so glad to have my best friend back in my life!!!!!

Wow, would you look at that...1988

and on to 1989, not much different

I think I got a perm in 1990

and I got some sense in 1992

This is 1994 the last time I saw him before this past weekend

and here we are, still lookin a lot like we did as kids

Monday, November 13, 2006

Mommy and daughters' weekend

We had a great time and lots of good bonding which is exactly what I was looking for. We arrived Thursday night after a long drive, do to the fact I left during rush hour, but it was cool, we sang and danced in the car all the way down. Once we got there the girls were starving, we picked up some food and headed to our spot. It was a nice night of me and the girls. We watched TV together and laid in the king size bed. The girls took turns in the jaquzzi tub and loved it, I eventually got in a hot shower. We went to sleep pretty early. Friday morning we woke up, went and had breakfast and headed to Presidents Park. It was cool, we took lots of pictures. The girls wanted to take pictures with all the presidents they knew, which was a lot. I tried to get them to read about each one and listen to the recordings they had but they were more interested in running around and reading what they wanted. It was cool, I made them tell me something about each president they wanted to take a picture with. ;) We had a good time. Then it was lunch time, but we drove around Williamsburg first and checked out somethings, they weren't interested in anything but getting back to the resort and going to the indoor pool, so that is what we did. It was a beautiful day and we spent most of it outside which was nice. We ate and then headed to the pool. We went in to the arcade and I got quarters out. It was dark in there and I am trying to shove quarters in the game then some kid says, "They are all free" Ohhhhhh. SO we played games for a while too. We went home showered and got the movie CARS for movie night and popped it in. I turned the couch in to the bed so we could all snuggle. Five minutes in to the movie Di called and wanted to come by, but I had to tell him it would be awhile cause we just put the movie in. He called 90 minutes later and came over. The girls were exhausted and couldn't wait up for him to come so they could meet him. He got there soon after, but that's another whole post. We had a nice time and hung out til 530 am. After he left I crashed, I was exhausted. Got up shortly after I slept and then the girls and I headed to VA Beach. We walked around and hung out together, played on the beach, ate lunch, plated some more and then headed back. We decided to stop by Di's job so he could meet the girls. He took us out for ice cream and the girls asked lots of questions about the younger me, when I was a teenager. It was cute. We all laughed a lot. They did steps and dances for him, showed off. They liked him. When it was time to leave, they ran to him to hug him good by. We went back and headed to the pool, played video games and back to eat dinner, I made breakfast for dinner and the girls loved it. They were exhausted though, for real. We all crashed. I packed up some before I went to sleep. Next morning, I got up early and packed the car up, Di called around 9 and was heading over to take us to breakfast. We hung out, he helped me pack up and we went to eat. We were at breakfast for about 3 hours and then I had to ruin the fun and get on the road. We had a good time, the girls had a blast.

On the way home Ty asked me if Di and I were ever boyfriend and girlfriend, I told her the truth and she said she could tell by the way he was looing at me. That freaked me out a little. They asked some more questions and said they liked him a lot. It was a wonderful weekend!!!

Just a quote

"Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now.

You are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to
someplace else.

Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your
thoughts as your own personal reality."

"You should never, ever come to a point in your life where you look back
and say, 'I've wasted it.'

Don't throw away this gift God has given

Thursday, November 09, 2006

The girls and I are gettin away...

The girls and I are off to Williamsburg for the weekend. I am so excited. We don’t do as much one on one as we did when they were younger. They enjoy having their sister with them as well as cousins or friends. As a matter of fact when I tell them we are doing something the first question usually is, “Is Titi coming?”, their pride and joy little sister, which was the case with this trip too. I told them it’s just going to be us this weekend and then seemed okay with that, maybe a little excited. They have been asking to go to Jamestown for a couple years now, I think, ever since they went on a field trip their with school. With it being Veteran’s Day this weekend, there are LOTS of activities going on. I have lined up an itinerary for us with a bunch of different options, I will let them chose. The one I am most excited about is thisI have never been there before and I think it will be so good for the girls. I am also planning to go rent new movies to have a movie night with them in the KING size bed!! We have two rooms because that’s what was available. I wanted to invite everyone down, but I keep reminding myself Mommy and Daughters weekend!!! We will also be about a hour from the beach, so I plan to take them there for a couple hours at least. The part they are really excited about, after Jamestown is the indoor pool, whoooo-hooooo. It also has a hot tub and a sauna, I can’t wait. I am probably looking forward to this more then they are and the quality time we will have together to just chill out and enjoy each other w/o any stress or time constraints. If the weather is anything like today I could be more thrilled, it’s gorgeous outside!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My babies are 12 today, remember when.....

The first time I held them after 6 LOOOOONG weeks

My baby Ty only a few days old

and of course lil Tricia

and they have grown so nice..... I miss my lil' babies

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Pics from the CHEETAH GIRLS

My BEAUTIFUL Cheetah Girls!! I love this picture, it is one of my most favorite the girls have taken together!! SISTERS for Life

Awwww, my Tyra is a hat girls like me!! Can you see how much fun we had in Chocolate world. I bet they wished I didn't have my camera in there.

I snatched PP from a birthday party for a picture with my girls.

Reach for the candy, I want this wall in my room

Strike a pose little Ladies

We had great seats, this is the Cheetah Girls

Vanessa in her little clothing

More Cheetah Action