Moments I want to remember...

Thursday, January 31, 2008

BUSY BUSY bumble bee

ummmm, I wrote this last week and forgot to post, I am a knucklehead, yes I know!!!

Yup that's me!!! I am busy every where, at work and at home, but I am happy and feel great. I have reconnected my girls with the other side of their family and it has been a truly amazing thing to see. It made me a little sad in my heart that I have not initiated contact sooner and made more of an effort for them to have that, but now is better then never, right? Right!!!! Last week I talked to their Aunt J, the D's sister, and we went over and hung out. We had a great time and it was just so nice to see the girls bonding with their cuzinz and chillin'. The have many cousins, I think 8 first cousins, maybe 7, Aunt J has 3 and Uncle G has 4. So, the girls had such a wonderful time, and I did too. I was very close to Aunt J's older two and after seeing them again, apparently still hold a big place in their hearts!!!! :)

So, I got home from work the next day, FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAY, and I was planning on taking hte girls to their old school for Bingo night, but they wanted to go to Tank's, basketball game. I called Aunt J and found out where it was and we quickly piled in the car and headed to game. When we got their Uncle G was their too, now the girls haven't seen him in LOTS of years, like 4/5 years, so when they looked up the bleachers and saw him they went running up them and jumped in his arms squeezing him with all their might, while his kids looked on like, who in the heck are they. By the time I made it up the bleachers Uncle G was introducing them to their other cousins and like family should be it was like they had known each other for ever.

Just watching the girls interact with their Aunt and Uncle, cousins too was soooo nastolgic. It warmed my heart very deep and made feel so happy. Probably cause the girls were smiling from ear to ear almost non stop and their voices were high pitched from the excitement in them. It is something I will hold with me and remember. That and the fact that Tank came and hugged me tight and whispered, "Auntie, Please don't let so much time pass before we see you all again."!!!! UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, talk about a hit to the gut!!!! He is my baby, my big baby, but none the less my Baby!!!!

So, Friday after the game we went back to Aunt J's place and hung out until two the AM and when I tried to get the girls to get it together to go home, they didn't want to leave.

I won't let so much time pass agian

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!! Why am I not exited and motivated to kick my girls in the butt so we can just be done already??????????? Why can I not remember how much I HATED doing the science projects at the last minute the last two years and it change hoe things are done this year????? WHY WHY WHY????? Why do they have to do a freakin science project every year from now until they graduate??? What life lesson is this teaching them, huh Mr. K, huh, do tell?? Why do I fight it???

So, science projects are do in less then a month and the girls have topics so I guess we are at least on step one, but next comes experiments and research and visits to the library, cause they can't use the Internet as their only source(they force you to go to the library). Materials have to be bought and I am not sure if they teachers realize it but I have TWO KIDS doing TWO different projects, I mean I know Ms. W does cause they are int he same class, but come on, you couldn't have made them partners???? They probably could have but didn't want to and deep down somewhere in my soul I know that is almost like giving them each other's papers to copy, WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, what should I be doing, I mean other then work, I should be printing of information to do these stinkin projects. The issue with that is, ummmmm, I have no idea what the Princess is doing or WHY, I even emailed the teacher to say, what is she really proving, cause I can't figure it out?

In other news..... the heart breaker called last night and I think to his surprise I sounded great and alive and HAPPY. Even though he sounded a little surprised cause I am not sure what he prepared himself for, probably didn't even think I would answer the phone. We didn't talk long, because I was on my way to the gym and even though I wanted to (just a little) talk to him, going to the gym and taking care of myself was more important, so I DID and I worked HARD!!! I also know God was on my side cause when I got to the gym it was packed and there was one treadmill open and within 5 minutes, about 4 different people came down and then headed back home cause there was no more room!!! Good decisions are rewarded, if I would have stayed on the phone, I wouldn't have had a spot, I WIN!!!!!!!!

Its hump day!!!!!!!!! My day here is going to be hectic so I thought, while I am not able to do much, I should take me break now so I get it, cause I know the rest of the day is going to be CRAZY!!!

Oh, I should Ty how to blog too, set her up and everything, she is excited about it, we'll see! It's gonna be HARDDDDDD not to peak in to it, but I promised, so if anyone else will peak and share and feel no guilt about that LET ME KNOW!!!!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Reds have more fun

Sat. night BONDING!!!!!!!!

Well, before I get in to my incredibly wonderful Sat. night I must touch on Friday which was a HARD night for me. I decided to let go of something I have been holding on to for many years. I decided to put me first and take the first of many big steps in taking care of me before anyone else and doing what is right for me, and although painful I DID IT!!!!!!!!! Maybe it I wasn't ready, maybe I was but knowing my girls would be coming over on Sat. and keeping me company gave me just the kick in the arse I needed to jump in and DO IT!!!!! So, I am hurting still but I also feel good and free. IN fact when I drove away from making this HUGE step in my life, I felt a weight lifted off and a deeper love for myself and that superseded everything else. On the way there I cried tears of sadness and heart break and on the way home I cried tears of strength and happiness. I know the next few weeks will be hard but I plan to continue to empower myself and stay strong.

....and thank to my Clussy who had a house full, to include kids and when I called her crying my ass off she dropped everything and gave me stregnth, told me the truth and loved me so hard it was if she were standing next to me holding my hand!!! HOMEbase, you are the BEST!!!!

So, Sat. night my girls and I planned a night together, not out, just hanging and bonding, the real deal!!! Mimi and I met at Don P's and ate some chips, I spilled my guts, she drank a margarita and listened while I sipped on Coke. She just listened, and I love that about her!!! She has become an incredible sounding board. (She used to break me down and make me call her "Mommy", but now she listens with an open heart and mind and I love it) She has grown too. B was suppose to meet us there but the chips were kinda stale and we weren't really hungry. I called B to see where she was at and she met us at Targe' where we planned to pick out some hair color. FUN BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!! We all picked a shade with some red in it. So much fun. Mimi has never gone outside of some sort of shade of blonde so I am sooo excited. I want to find a peel, that was the one thing I really wanted to do, a face peel and the only one I could find was like $14, so instead, I sent the ladies to my house and I headed over to Wally World to find my face peel that I know will be more then half of that freakin cost and it was. I also grabbed some snacks which we didn't touch. When I got here we jumped right in to it. Mimi brought over a foot massager bath thing too, it was going to be a full on girls night. Mimi went to work on my hair while B plopped down in the tub and we all just talked and laughed!!! :) Pure happiness, really!!! When Mimi was done with mine, B started hers and then B did Mimi's while is that confusing, me I snapped pics!!! :) When I got out of the shower, WHOOOAAA Red!!! After I dried it it wasn't as bad and had hints of blonde through out, which was expected, my hair to start was 100 different shades of blonde and now is 100 shades of red with about 20 blonde ;) of course that is a Harmonism!! After we were done showering and admiring the new looks we had the foot baths begin and the face peels. I put mine on my face and then did Mimi's and B's, that stuff was great and on them I think it was extra thick cause I couldn't tell. We all took turns soaking and scrubbing our feet in the mini foot jacuzzi. So, when all the pampering was done, our hair all curled and dressed to a t in pjs we laid on the bed and took some pics. It is like 130 am not. My mom popped in on us, we felt like teenagers and she snapped a couple pics too as well all giggled like little girls. We sat in the bed all three of us talking (me feeling like the luckiest girl in the world to have such great friends and so hmmmmm safe and happy). So I guess this feeling sweeps over me and I decide after not eating ALLLLLLLLL day, well two chips and at Don P's, I AM HUNGRY and ready to eat. So, we throw on sweatshirts, boots, sneaks, and slippers and climb in the car and go to Denny's. We are all about to fall asleep but we make it through the meal and laugh lots. Get back home and sleep like babies!!!

What a great night, could have only been better if my Home-y were there too. It was a long over due night that we all needed and I think benefited from it.

Here are some pics to enjoy from out night:








THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this was my Mom's idea, might have been cute if she focused in on the hair and not our bottom halves)

Monday, January 14, 2008

I did it!!!!!!!!

I went to church yesterday!!! I know for most that may not seem like a big deal, but for me it has been. I feel great and I am so excited and I can't wait to go back again. I was a lil worried about my girls cause service was longer then expected, which I didn't mind but I was concerned they would never want to go back again. We got there a little early at 1040 and there was prayer going on which I fell right in to with an open heart and tears. I went back out to the car to get some napkins cause I felt water works coming on. It was a great service and one I NEEDED to be at. The crazy thing, or as I would say the expected thing was when the pastor called for anyone wanting to come up to be saved, dedicate their lives, born again and something else, I had to hold the pew in front of me as not to RUN up there. There is still some (lots) of fear in me. Then after when he looked me (or so it felt) right in my face and said "I know there is one more, stop fighting it, I am going to give you 10 seconds to get up here." Well, I fought it and I didn't go and then follwoing that he said "Harmony" like 4 or 5 different times, of course he was speaking of Harmony in the "peace" sense but he said said it over and over and over again. At that point I bowed my head and prayed because I knew God was speaking to me. Really, how may times can one us the word Harmony in 3 minutes??? Huh!!!

So, I throughoughly enjoyed it and I plan to go back!! The girls had a good experience too and plan and want to come back with me, so I am thrilled!!!!

Last night I did hair for three hours and here are the results (they are soooooooooo my kids)

(Don't focus on the juice on my baby's lip she just finished a glass of carrot juice)

Mini Me

Mini Cluss

and this one they said Mom, we're takin this one for Titi Cluss cause she loves when we wink!! So this ones for you HOME-y!!!!!!!!!!!! They miss you!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2008

is going to be great!!! I am claiming it!!! This will be a wonderful year for me and those around me!!!! At the stroke of midnight I said a prayer and claimed it for me and my family and friends, so I am ready for it!!!

I have been thinking about resolutions and what do I really want to accomplish and what do I think I can truly commit to and make happen. When I first thought about these ideas, the first one that popped in to my head was "Church" and going back. I have wanted to go back to church for a loooooong time. 2007 I made excuses the WHOLE year. I am scared to go back to church, I know that sounds crazy, but I am, that's why I haven't gone yet. I know my life will change and for the better, but I am not sure if I am ready for all that, well I wasn't sure, I am now. So, I will stop making excuses and get my butt in to church and the girls too. I am even excited about it. Now I just have to find the girls and I some church clothes, I think that will be fun!!!! :)

I would also like to get the girls and I exercising together, doing some type of activity on a regular basis, haven't figured out what yet. I was planning for us to go to the community gym but they aren't allowed until 16, three years away, and I am not trying to rush it.

and then there is the smoking issue, well, I have thought about it, I even went to the doctors and got another prescription for the meds to help me, but I haven't picked them up from the store yet. Hmmmmm, I guess I need to do that if anything is going to change, the thing is..........

I LOVE IT and I DON'T want to quit, but I know for my health I should and I also know I will feel better, WHATEVA!!!!!!!!!!!! is what I am thinking as I type that!!!

SO that's pretty much all I have come up with. I want to continue to be close to my girls, but I don't think that is something I need to work on. In fact I may need to learn to give them more space, but I like them to much, sooooooooooooo, until they tell me to BACK OFF I will be right there and if they ever say that to me, OUUUUUUUUU, it will be ON!!!!!!! I think they are too scared to say it, but we will see.

I brought the new year in with my girls in my arms and it was perfect, I was sober and HAPPY!!!!!!!!! I think this is one of the first years that I didn't have A drink on the new year and I think I liked it!!!!! It was just a really wonderful night full of friends, love, family and good eats!!!! There was also a birthday cake and song for Beebs!!! It was special and wonderful and I had almost all of my closest friends with me. I called my Nunus and let everyone what with her and then I took the phone and hid so I could chat her up real quick!!! I think my favorite part of the night besides talking to my Nunus was watching everyone at 1201 kissing and hugging each other, EVERYONE including the kids walked around and hugged and kissed each other and wished a Happy New Year, it was a beautiful moment to be a part of and watch!!!! It was a moment of friendship AND BLESSINGS!!!!

I AM CLAIMING IT for me, for my girls, for my family, for me friends, for those around me!!!

Happy New Year!!!!
My baby Girls

Babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so freakin cute these two!!!
They boys!!!!!!
the kids, minus to two boys who were playin play station, Boys will be Boys
and of course the Ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!