Hump day

This may be very hard to read, but I don't care, just needed a sunny kind of color. Still haven't emailed max, but I want to, just trying to find a nice short version to get my point across.

I talked to Moe last night over IM, it was a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation, but one that needed to be had. I felt bad cause I can still tell, even over IM he loves me very much, even after being a part for two years. I feel very confused about him at this point. I laid in bed after signing off for about two hours with all kinds of why's and what if's running through my head.

Ryan was moody the couple times I called him yesterday and I am really questioning us and what we are doing. It sucks cause I just fought so hard for us to work it out and now I don't even know if it is worth it. He is so busy and really doesn't have time for me and although I try to convince myself it will get better, I don't think it will. He was an ass to me yesterday and than called last night all sweet, whateva Nigga! Said he wanted to see me and he was coming over, didn't believe that either and thank goodness, cause he didn't. I am bored with it. I feel like he is the one bitching and I am the one trying, not fair. So, I think I will have a little talk with him about the situation, cause that is what it is, not a relationship, but a situation. Hopefully it will go as good as it can, the last talk we had about the "boy toy" thing did, but with no resolution. I am ready to throw the towel in, just don't want any regrets.

Awwww, well, we are half way through the week and almost through the day, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! Doing good with not smoking, if I could just get a grip on the weekends.

Happy happy joy joy