There's have the talk and then there's QUESTIONS
So here I am again, wanting to share all kinds of fun stuff and uncomfortable moments but I just don't have the time, nor do I truly make an effort to make the time. I thought the other day I will just use pictures to update my blog, since I carry my camera everywhere I go and document every moment there is in my life. Then there are moments that I can't document on camera like when my 13 yr old daughter wants to know what certain things mean after she has watched a lifetime movies about teens and STD's spreading mean. Hmmmmmmm, talk about an uncomfortable moment that as a parent I wasn't prepared for. There are many scenarios and topics I try and come up with and think how am I going to handle this when it comes up, I go through a million different explanations in my head and even run them by friends/parents to get other thoughts, but when that moment comes you can never be truly prepared. (or at least I am not)
I am very honest with my girls, always try to answer questions as clear and straight as I can w/o going overboard. I have a truly amazing bond with them and feel comfortable knowing when they have questions they will seek me out first because I have always been straight with them even when I haven't wanted to, even when I wasn't sure and had doubts that they were not "old enough" to hear the answer I was going to share. They have always taken it in and have seemed to appreciate my honesty and my trust in them. I am nervous about the day that is coming when they want to know how old I was when it happened, when I did it, when I kissed a boy and what happens after that. I told myself I would never lie to them, I told myself, even if it is painful and they may throw it in my face down the road I will be honest with them and now here they are at 13 and I feel myself running the other way from Honesty.
I feel guilt about this, serious guilt, I try to convince myself that I was brought up differently and that things happened in my childhood that made my teenage years different then theirs will be. I try to convince myself that a little white lie at this stage in the game will be okay, but it eats me up inside and I haven't even told one yet!!!!!!!! My saving grace to all this is I have wonderful friends who I can use as examples of waiting and my Mom too and I will use them, but I know the question is going to come and that they are going to want answers and I don't want them to have skewed ideas about if Mom did it it must be okay.
I want their innocence to last as long as possible, I want them to respect themselves and not seek out love from boys, I want them to have values and confidence enough to say NO and steer clear of anything that would make them uncomfortable. I want to be able to tell them the truth in a way that will keep them safe and discouraged from going down that path too soon, I want to teach them respect of their bodies and minds. I want to instill all that I lost as a child. I want them to not go with the crowd or do things to be popular, I want their confidence and self esteem to shine above all that they are not ready for.
Okay, so the conversation has opened my eyes that my babies, my lil babies that I could once hold in my hand literally are growing up and I want to keep holding their hands with the one that held them for the first time.
This moment....although I wish I had the camera in my hand, I could not document with a picture! However her reaction was priceless to my response and one that although uncomfortable and scary made me belly laugh. I love my children I love them with every breath I take and I want to give them what I didn't have, I know how cliche that sounds, but I truly mean it. I want them to have it all!!!!!
At almost two months
My girls are growing up, my precious babies
I am very honest with my girls, always try to answer questions as clear and straight as I can w/o going overboard. I have a truly amazing bond with them and feel comfortable knowing when they have questions they will seek me out first because I have always been straight with them even when I haven't wanted to, even when I wasn't sure and had doubts that they were not "old enough" to hear the answer I was going to share. They have always taken it in and have seemed to appreciate my honesty and my trust in them. I am nervous about the day that is coming when they want to know how old I was when it happened, when I did it, when I kissed a boy and what happens after that. I told myself I would never lie to them, I told myself, even if it is painful and they may throw it in my face down the road I will be honest with them and now here they are at 13 and I feel myself running the other way from Honesty.
I feel guilt about this, serious guilt, I try to convince myself that I was brought up differently and that things happened in my childhood that made my teenage years different then theirs will be. I try to convince myself that a little white lie at this stage in the game will be okay, but it eats me up inside and I haven't even told one yet!!!!!!!! My saving grace to all this is I have wonderful friends who I can use as examples of waiting and my Mom too and I will use them, but I know the question is going to come and that they are going to want answers and I don't want them to have skewed ideas about if Mom did it it must be okay.
I want their innocence to last as long as possible, I want them to respect themselves and not seek out love from boys, I want them to have values and confidence enough to say NO and steer clear of anything that would make them uncomfortable. I want to be able to tell them the truth in a way that will keep them safe and discouraged from going down that path too soon, I want to teach them respect of their bodies and minds. I want to instill all that I lost as a child. I want them to not go with the crowd or do things to be popular, I want their confidence and self esteem to shine above all that they are not ready for.
Okay, so the conversation has opened my eyes that my babies, my lil babies that I could once hold in my hand literally are growing up and I want to keep holding their hands with the one that held them for the first time.
This moment....although I wish I had the camera in my hand, I could not document with a picture! However her reaction was priceless to my response and one that although uncomfortable and scary made me belly laugh. I love my children I love them with every breath I take and I want to give them what I didn't have, I know how cliche that sounds, but I truly mean it. I want them to have it all!!!!!
At almost two months
My girls are growing up, my precious babies
posted by Harmony at
9:15 AM
4 Comments:
"I am nervous about the day that is coming when they want to know how old I was when it happened, when I did it, when I kissed a boy and what happens after that. I told myself I would never lie to them, I told myself, even if it is painful and they may throw it in my face down the road I will be honest with them and now here they are at 13 and I feel myself running the other way from Honesty."
You know my take on this. I appreciate your wanting to be honest with the girls on this topic or any topic but I don't think it's their business at this point (not till they're fully adult and can understand the why's behind your decisions) nor will that help them in any way. You need to try to steer away from your own history and focus on their lives and information to make their own decisions about their body and hearts. Like I told you the other night, I don't really know the age that my Mom lost her virginity, nor do I want to. That's my Mom and I don't want to think about that fact. We cherish (or at least should?) our Moms and look to them for advise and comfort. They're at a VERY impressionable age. Best believe I'll have some talks w/them when they get out here. I'm glad I waited as long as I did but what a loser I blew it on. UGHGHG! heh. From my own point of view, you don't know what you're really doing in terms of sexuality until you're out of your teens and whatever you do at such an early age is just experimenting and discovering, not making wise choices usually. With so many STD's and ignorance out there, I'd hate to see them exposed to that, especially not armed w/a bunch of knowledge and having made their decisions themselves ahead of time and being able to love and respect themselves. I'm preaching maybe but I just feel that strongly about it. Forget that I'm a total addict now :-P because, I'm an adult and can own that. Please please please, think of them and how impressionable they are.
I love you Sunshine.
By
Claudia, At
1:22 PM
I agree with Clussy. Honesty is great and you shouldn't, nor do you need to, lie to them. But you don't have to give them all of your information either. I don't think I could handle knowing when, or how, my mother (aunts, father, and authority figure in my life) had their first! Gah!
Besides, how you grew up and how they are growing up are different and the choices they make should be their own. Simply knowing you are there is going to be huge for them. But let them not know everything. Let them wonder. Wondering is good.
By
Buggie, At
2:23 PM
Amen! I think that gives more information that kids (even as adults actually) need to know about their parents. Parents are sacred. My Mama is still a virgin and I was conceived via immaculate conception. No original sin stains on my conception. Nope.
Gonna go buy me a halo now to wear in preparation for my children (which of course don't exactly exist unless Skeeter, Lex and Quincy start talking) asking me about my past.
By
Claudia, At
4:58 PM
I'll back you up, Cluss.
My sister was on a strange mission to find out where she was conceived. It was weird. And she was convinced it was on a cruise my parents took. My mom disagrees and I just cover my ears and rock in a corner. Don't want to know.
By
Buggie, At
9:42 PM
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