Moments I want to remember...

Monday, March 27, 2006

Closure, enough said

Coincidence…..Fate…..All in God’s plan, you tell me….

I had to leave work early because my daughter was sick. I had no gas because I was to lazy to fill up the night before. When I looked right at the gas station and said to myself, “tomorrow”. So, I am in Friday traffic trying to get to the school and right on the line of “E”. I have a choice of three different gas stations to go to and as I am thinking about which one will be the cheapest, fastest and whatever else, I end up pulling in to the one I never go to. I am pumping my gas and I feel someone looking at me so I turn around as the gas station door closes and a man gets in his truck, windows are tinted and I can’t see him, but the outline of his face looks familiar. I don’t want to stare so hard incase I don’t know the man, I just turn around and continue cleaning out my car and pumping my gas. The car starts to pull out, I try and look on more time and as I turn around the car is pulling to the pump on the other side of me verrrrryyy sloooowly and inching closer and closer, I turn around and look straight in to the face, because the front window is not tinted and it is R.O.W, my ex. My ex that I just can’t let go of, my ex that was no good for me, my ex that I love so much still, my ex that hurt me worse then any and loved me better than any, my ex, ohmigod, he is pulling up next to me. I turned back to pumping my gas and out of the corner of my eye I could see him inching closer and closer in the truck. I turned around again and he had a big smile on his face, so I gave a kinda half smile, not knowing what the hell to do. He started to get out and I just stood there, “Hi, how are you?” he said. I was so uneasy, this is the man that fills my dreams almost every night, the one I think I need in my life, but is nothing but trouble. “I am wonderful, how are you?” We continued to talk and he got closer. He reached out to hug me and I latched on like I never wanted to let go but kept telling myself, stay in control, remember the reasons you walked away. He said he couldn’t stand to see me again and not speak, made me feel a little better. He also apologized for how things went down between us and I accepted and said thanks. Asked about the kids and I asked about his and then we said our “goodbyes” and “see ya arounds”. As he walked away to get in the car I could see him in the air, that smell that warmed my soul and made me feel safe, I miss it. It was great, it was exactly what I needed and had been praying for, closure so I could let go. I got in my car feeling as though a weight had been lifted and I haven’t had any dreams of him since Friday. The best part though after seeing him and talking to him, nothing has changed about him and it reaffirmed that I don’t want him or to be with him, helping me to close the chapter and let go. I still love him, love him deep in my heart, but the timing is off for both of us, not headed in the same directions of life. I wished him well and I will keep him in my prayers, I feel great. I truly believe it was all in God’s plan to allow me the closure I needed to move on with my life, the closure I have been praying for, an ending and a healing.

Good bye R.O.W, I pray for you and I wish you well in life….

6 Comments:

  • It is cathartic to see them and be able to have a civilized, even nice, conversation and then leave. I am glad you got that.

    By Blogger Buggie, At 6:32 PM  

  • I am so proud of you! Also, I am so glad you had that moment of closure, not everyone gets that!

    Now you can start sleeping and dreaming better.

    See ya R.O.W.!!!!!

    By Blogger Tricia, At 8:07 AM  

  • Thanks ladies, I am so thankful too and I am sleeping better already!!

    YES!!!!!!!!!

    By Blogger Harmony, At 8:36 AM  

  • Boy was this long overdue... I'm glad for the sake of your sanity that you were able to have this.

    Loveyouthemostest.

    By Blogger Claudette, At 11:07 AM  

  • Sanity is a blessed thing, no? And so is closure...why it takes so long to get it sometimes is beyond me. But I am glad it is yours now :)

    By Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana), At 5:06 PM  

  • Thanks Mish, me too. As far as the time it takes in the end it is worth it. Lessons learned a long the way.

    By Blogger Harmony, At 8:38 AM  

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