Moments I want to remember...

Monday, February 13, 2006

OHMIGOSH, is that who I think it is????

I always had a feeling it would happen and depending on where I am headed in the neighborhood, I sometimes prepare myself.............................. I WASN'T READY THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't ready at all and thank GOD for Aimee who got me through it w/o anything for me to regret today.
Wake up to everything white from all the snow. I throw on clothes and head out to the yard with the rest of the fam to take pics of the kids playing in the snow and sledding. After a hour or so I ask Aimee to go check out the roads with me and I wanted to get the Bambi II for the kids, so we head to Target. We are on a mission to stick to the plan and only get what we went in there for, but as usual we start walking around, the store is EMPTY and quiet, we both comment on that. We headed back to the boy's section to see if they still had the clearance snow pants. So, I see a little boy, and look up at Daddy and it's Rob(my ex's brother), I look immediately at Aimee to say "Let's go" and by the time I turned to her I could see the look on her face and she had already seen him as well. We both just kinda walked a way. So, as we are walking I look down an isle and who do I see Ry(my ex, the ex I haven't spoke to since our fight last summer, the one I love dearly and haven't gotten over yet, the one that has got me all FU%^ed up and has had me that way for a while now), so I stop. Aimee was still walking and stopped fast when she realized I stopped and was staring down the aisle, I just looked at her and mouthed Ryan. You would have thought I saw a ghost. So, she gives me a stern look and tells me to come on, I argue with her, NO and keep looking at him. He doesn't even know I am there, or appears not to, very focused on whatever he is trying to find. It takes all of my will power to take steps and walk away, not to run and jump in to his arms. As I am walking away I see out of the corner of my eye (I have great peripheral vision) him glance at me and I keep walking. So, Aimee keeps talking to me coaxing me along, telling me he's not worth it and I don't want to go back, I am so much better off, all the right things a friend says to you when you are about to make a huge mistake. We head towards the check out line and I forgot to get Bambi II, so I go grab it and than as I am walking back to the line, I see him again, in a big area in plain open view. I look for the eyes of strength, Aimee's to will me to her and she does, she physically comes to get me and keep me from looking. We walk to the furthest line from them and I am now about to fall out, I feel sick, dizzy, I can't breathe. We check out and as soon as we get out the door I grab and cigarette and light it up. I am in shock at this point. I am in complete shock, I just stand there, and Aimee yells to me to get in the truck. I ask her to just sit there for a minute so I can see if he is coming out and like a good friend, she does. She is so patient and waits til I am ready to leave all the time encouraging me and reminding me why I am not with him and don't want to be.
All I can say is THANK GOD for best friends and having there when you need them, also for there strength to pull you through no matter how they know you much they know you are hurting, but staying focused on you and what's best instead of giving in to the pain and hurt all over your face.
Thanks Aimee, thank you so much, thank you for the whole day and keeping me straight and being patient and understanding and sensitive, not smacking the crap out of me when I wanted to go the other way. I love you so much and I am BLESSED you were by my side!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • :-O Damn Honey, I'm sorry to hear that it finally happened but on the bright side, you didn't have to see more than you needed to at that moment. Could have been worse in a few different ways. Glad Aim was around though to reinforce you and remind you of the situation.

    I know those moments knock the wind right out of you though and leave your mind reeling w/tons of memories and feelings. Ouch, anxiety in full effect.

    Glad you were able to walk away w/out confronting him there or trying to reach out to him again. Obviously you're still not ready for it and it just wouldn't have a good ending at this point.

    Love you.

    By Blogger Claudette, At 1:55 PM  

  • Thanks baby!! Yes, I agree it could have been much worse. I keep reminding me it happened on God's time and in His plan and at the end of the day, I got through it.

    Yea, I would've been NO GOOD confronting him it would have only been destroying to me regardless.

    love you the mostest Nunus!

    By Blogger Harmony, At 2:18 PM  

  • winner winner, pollo dinner? Love you like mad Blondie!

    By Blogger Claudette, At 3:50 PM  

  • You've been bloggentined. Lovin' you. XOXOX

    By Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana), At 12:16 PM  

  • I knew it! Valentines Spam! ((shaking head))

    ((looking for yolks))

    By Blogger Claudette, At 2:09 PM  

  • Not spam....cupid!


    By Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana), At 4:47 PM  

  • Oh and mad props to Aimee keepin' your ass on track. You don't need that shit.

    By Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana), At 4:49 PM  

  • Mish - don't mind Clussy I love it

    and yes, MAD props to Aimee

    By Blogger Harmony, At 1:32 PM  

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