Moments I want to remember...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

This is really for me, but you are welcome to read at your own risk

So, I have really been contemplating this issue I am having and I wasn’t going to write about it because it is so personal, but then I decided this blog is about me and documenting as a journal, so if you aren’t ready for some real deep shit, don’t continue reading.

Growing up I was sexually abused from age 5-13. I was abused by four different men. My grandfather, which was only for a week when I was five and went to stay with my grandparents in Kentucky, after that one time, I never saw them again. They are both deceased as of this year. Following that my best friend’s father (which is why I am bringing this all up) abused me in her home for an entire 8 years. He was from
El Salvador and one of those typical nasty men you see hanging out the window yelling “Mommacita, hey babbbbbby” along with many other degrading comments. The thing was, I didn’t have a father growing up and he was it, the male figure that came in to my life and took over that role and in addition to the horrible part he was also a “Papi” to me, treated me the same as his daughter (who he got pregnant when she was 13). Bottom line, he is a sick man. The thing of how this all really started was Mgs (my friend) was not allowed to spend the night out, typical in many Hispanic families, so I always went to her house. The fact that he took over that fatherly role in my life I trusted him and dealt with it. So this brings me to an issue I am now being faced with and don’t know how to deal with it.

My daughter has a best friend in school, a friend that she bonded with when we moved to our place last year. She loves this little girl and they have so much in common and get a long really good. She asked if her friend could spend the night, of course. So she called her friend and asked her and she explained to my daughter that she is not allowed to spend the night out, but T can spend the night at her house after I meet her parents.

Now, here I am faced with my childhood and the horrible events I went through to be able to have sleepovers and protect my friend. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying all Hispanic men are child molesters, but having gone through it, I am feeling uneasy about the situation. – More details of the circumstance, T is not very popular in school and only has a few friends unlike her sister and this is the Favorite one, the one she gets along with the best. – So, what in the hell am I suppose to do???? Oh, and the girl has five brothers, that just added to the situation. I don’t want to force my issues and experiences on my children, I would hate to hold them back based on my unfortunate circumstances in life, but this one has really hit me HARD, Deep. If my daughters’ ever had to go through that I would never forgive myself for not being over protective. It’s a catch 22 for me and I don’t know what to do. I think I have pretty much made my decision, just wanted to see it on paper and try to make sure I haven’t missed anything. I am not ready to risk anything happening and the five brothers is more of a factor to me than anything thing right now. Am I being to protective, is there such thing, if I weren’t abused as a child, would all of this even be a thought?

Where is the mother handbook when I need it?

2 Comments:

  • You talked to the girls about coming to you and all that stuff, right? So they know they can tell someone? I think you should meet the parents and trust your instincts. You know what to look for. And if you are uneasy, then don't allow an overnight. I read a scary stat today that one in three girls has been sexually molested by the time they are 18.
    But it's good for you to talk to your girls and as unbelievably sucky it is to shatter a little girl's safe world, they will at least have some strength to do something about it.
    Trust your instincts.

    By Blogger Buggie, At 9:30 PM  

  • Yeah, what Bug said...cuz she is smart and stuff.

    Your gut feeling is totally trustable -- so go with that. And a little bit of mom freak-out is good for growing up

    By Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana), At 4:05 PM  

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