Teenagers
It's so hard having teenagers, all the horrible stories you hear, well I hear from all my coworkers and other people in my life, all the hard times they have been through , the testing and the fights, thinking back to my memories as a teen and how INCREDIBLY challenging I was. HOLY COW, those memories are the only ones I need to be skeptical, leery, cautious, nosey and everything else I find myself being. I don't like it though, but I hear my Mother's words ringing in the back of my head....."You are so naive, just like I was, remember when you told me this, when you did this" and it raises all kinds of flags. I keep telling myself that MY girls are NOT me. They have not gone through the things I did as a child, they have not been exposed to the things I was as a child and more importantly they are not being raised the way I was as a child.
HOWEVER...even with all that said....trust has to be earned, right! I do not want to let my guard down and regret it. The other side of that is I feel a little, very little guilty about snooping, eavesdropping and reading of the notes/blogs. And I think because really I have found NOTHING. They are only 13 though, but today that doesn't mean anything either from some of the stuff they have shared with me.
I do feel blessed that we are very close and they feel comfortable telling me about stuff their friends do that they don't approve of and sharing who uses bad language, who has kissed a boy already, who sneaks on the phone late at night, but then all my suspicions raise like...they must be doing these things to and seeing how I am going to react...a little trick I did with my Mom at that age. Who knows, parenting is hard, single parenting is super hard. I pray hard every night for them, their values and for me to continue to be the best parent I can be to them, but by the time you know, as a parent you did a good/bad job, it is to late to change anything.
So alllllllllll this stemmed from this past weekend, Ty spent the night at a friends (a new friend I hadn't met yet, always leary of the new ones) and then she stayed at our house the following night. She seemed VERY sweet and very respectful, innocent and happy young lady. I met her Mom on Friday and she gave me good vibes as well. SOOOOOOOO, she has a myspace account, which I am not fond of, but whatever..... and she was on it and they girls were uploading pics I had taken of them and her Mom came to pick her up and so she didn't sign out. HERE I GO!!!! I closed my door and locked it and started reading, feeling guilty and nervous about what I might find but it's for my kids, I need to know who they are hanging out with. After reading more then I could stand....really searching for a nugget of some bad thing, I found nothing. GUILT really set in. She is as sweet as she appears and even more so. She is a good friend. She is focused on school and her studies and she values her friendships. So, I am good!!!
AM I WRONG??????? What every mother out there done the same thing??? AM I CRAZY??? As soon as they turn 14 am I going to be worse??? I sure hope not cause more then anything i don't want to push them away with my craziness.
Here are a few pics from this past weekend
HOWEVER...even with all that said....trust has to be earned, right! I do not want to let my guard down and regret it. The other side of that is I feel a little, very little guilty about snooping, eavesdropping and reading of the notes/blogs. And I think because really I have found NOTHING. They are only 13 though, but today that doesn't mean anything either from some of the stuff they have shared with me.
I do feel blessed that we are very close and they feel comfortable telling me about stuff their friends do that they don't approve of and sharing who uses bad language, who has kissed a boy already, who sneaks on the phone late at night, but then all my suspicions raise like...they must be doing these things to and seeing how I am going to react...a little trick I did with my Mom at that age. Who knows, parenting is hard, single parenting is super hard. I pray hard every night for them, their values and for me to continue to be the best parent I can be to them, but by the time you know, as a parent you did a good/bad job, it is to late to change anything.
So alllllllllll this stemmed from this past weekend, Ty spent the night at a friends (a new friend I hadn't met yet, always leary of the new ones) and then she stayed at our house the following night. She seemed VERY sweet and very respectful, innocent and happy young lady. I met her Mom on Friday and she gave me good vibes as well. SOOOOOOOO, she has a myspace account, which I am not fond of, but whatever..... and she was on it and they girls were uploading pics I had taken of them and her Mom came to pick her up and so she didn't sign out. HERE I GO!!!! I closed my door and locked it and started reading, feeling guilty and nervous about what I might find but it's for my kids, I need to know who they are hanging out with. After reading more then I could stand....really searching for a nugget of some bad thing, I found nothing. GUILT really set in. She is as sweet as she appears and even more so. She is a good friend. She is focused on school and her studies and she values her friendships. So, I am good!!!
AM I WRONG??????? What every mother out there done the same thing??? AM I CRAZY??? As soon as they turn 14 am I going to be worse??? I sure hope not cause more then anything i don't want to push them away with my craziness.
Here are a few pics from this past weekend
posted by Harmony at
7:58 AM
4 Comments:
Are you Wrong???? That would be a relative question and I think you would only be "Wrong" if you didn't care at all, other than that no you aren't wrong, just being a mom of two girls on your own (so to speak) and learning as you go. First and foremost, you are doing a great job, your girls are great, with kind souls just like you. To answer another question you had, yes there are other mothers out there that would do the same thing, and others that wouldn't. Are you going to make mistakes being a mom, sure, there are no perfect parents. Your blog suggested you wanted some guidance or thoughts on how to handle this situation with your kids and the world they are getting to know. So, since I don't have a job and am tired of looking for one all the time I thought I might enter my perspective for some discussion. Remembering I am not a parent..............this is my perspective and I don't want you or anyone to get upset, but rather this a good time for friends to discuss things, as we probably can all learn. Unfortunately for you, you are the "guinea pig" (smiling), but fortunately for us we get to learn from you and others that have had children already. I digress and return to the subject at hand.
So you are wondering if you are wrong...I think I would approach (of course I can do this, because I ain't in the situation) this differently. You aren't wrong for caring, just maybe you are a little to scared for them. Every child is naive to the world (shit we are all still are really), even if they have had experience(s) good or bad. Those "experience(s)" I think most times aren't processed by children fully many times, so even when they(we) do have a good or bad experience, children(we) are still a bit naive in a sense (does that make sense?).
Interruption*** of thought. This would suggest thinking about the experience(s) they/we have. The positive thing to take away from this is, even if your girls do something horrible or bad or something bad happens, the communication you have established with them is the best thing you could have done. As a parent, they are going to hate when you are upset with them and vice versa, but being able to talk about it, will make things easier.
*****back to original dialogue *****
This does not mean they/we shouldn't have those experiences (good and bad) to learn from. Everybody makes mistakes and go down wrong paths. Some of the things that go on with your girls you will know about, some you will not, but you know that thus your fears right? I can remember several paths my parents still don't know about, and I had to deal with them. However, I took what I learned from my parents in some cases and applied them to the good and bad experiences. Sometimes I didn't..... I have my faults with some of the things my parents did and how they handled my youth experiences, but who doesn't....but, I also have a problem with how I handled myself more (but that is a different discussion). My parents didn't however protect me so much that I didn't learn how to protect myself. I say these things (hopefully making sense) so you know you aren't alone, parenting is tough. The point is, we are all our own persons and as a parent you can only do the best you can....
That being said...Harmony, in my opinion maybe you need to let them make a few more mistakes. If it helps make it easier (I say this because I can feel you cringe with the idea and it is going to be hard..and what do I know I ain't a parent)... maybe a dumb idea.....
...The next time you see them making a decision you don't feel they shouldn't make, don't say anything. Let them make the decision and watch from the outside and don't let them know you know what is going on. See how they handle it, when the situation ends that's when the closeness you have with them comes in. You have a great report with them and are able to talk so you can discuss the whole thing as a learning tool for them and you. I would venture to guess you may have already done something like this...so maybe this is a mute point all together....and if so, think about your original question and trust that your daughters can handle it. They learned from you and yer pretty damn tough.
You have ingrained a great deal of honesty, kindness, and love in your girls, so when they make a mistake I don't think they will stray so far from the "path" that they will get into to much trouble. However, even if they do...you know and they do too, you will always be there to help when/if needed. Let them fix a few of there own problems and you will be surprised and happy I am sure that they will be alright. Remembering, you taught them how to be good, your doing alright girl...
By
Claudia Y Sean, At
1:36 PM
...oh BTW, this is Sean who wrote the long ass comment.
By
Claudia Y Sean, At
1:51 PM
I love you!!! Thank you for all of your thoughts and sincere words, they made me smile and brought tears to my eyes of the rawness you have given me!!! I agree with a lot of what you said, but won't admit which parts but I appreciate the honest outside view as it only helps me as a mother to grow. Your words came at a time when I truly needed them, with all my heart... Thank you!!!!!
By
Harmony, At
10:04 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
By
Harmony, At
10:04 PM
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