My high-school sweetheart, my first love

I am feeling so crazy, excited, confuesd, happy, crazy and so many more emotions all at the same time, I don't know which one to let take over if any.

My first love called me on Sat. night, my high school sweet heart. My best friend for so many years as well as my partner. When I was 16 and he was 17 we made a promise to eachother that if we weren't married by 30 we would find eachother and get married. We stayed in touch for many years and then lost touch about 8 years ago. I tried to find him a few times through out the last few years, but I didn't try hard.

I figured if we are meant to be it will happen and in the timing it is suppose to. I am a true believer in faith and fate. I believe in everything has a time and a place and when left in God's hands it will happen just as it is suppose to.

So, with all that being said, I could have probably found him if I wanted too, but I found out he was married so I left it alone.

History of us: We met in highschool, I was a freshmen and he was a sophmore. He was the new kid, well the "new fine as n!gga, with the beautiful eyes". I heard about him being there after second period and then was on a mission to see him, well it just so happened that he was lost and of course my out going smiley ass was the friendliest person around so he asked me to help him. We instantly had a connection a bind and became best friends. We were passing ntes by the end of the day. I was dating someone else but hung out with him more then my man. He started dating someone too and she was ready to fight me soon enough because of the time we spent together and how close we were. Eventually we hooked up and started dating later in the year. We were together for a couple years after that. We did everything together. We took alot of walks, just hung out at the park, watched sunsets and sun rises, talked on the phone for hours and hours at a time. Then we found out he was moving to North Carolina. We decided to try and maintain our relationship for a while, but I was a wild child and just couldn't do it. Plus it was lots of money for our phone cards and travel back and forth to see eachother. We decided that we would always belong to one another and that anytime the pther could get to each other we would be together. So from that point on every guy I dated I let know, if D comes back I am going to be with him. Crazy I know!!! That was all the way up to 9 years ago I did that. And sure enough anytime he came here or I went there we were together, regardless if we were invloved or not we dropped everything to be together.

The last time we saw eachother: It was March 1994, I was with the Devil at the time and thought I was in love. I head told the Devil the same thing I told all the others, "If he comes back, I am going to be with him", well, I didn't think he was going to come back at that point. So, when he did I wanted to see him and hang out with him, but of course the Devil didn't want me to, naturally. I told him I didn't want to be with D, but I wanted to see him and hang out with all my friends one night. I had my own place, but I was staying with the Devil at the time. D was staying at my place with my friends. So, the Devil got pissed and I went home. What happened after that was a whole different entry, but the bottom line is he broke up with me. At that point D and I were together. He proposed to me, I accepted and we started trying to make babies, litterally. After day five or so, I decided I wanted to work things out with the Devil and told D that something was missing, in the middle of us making love. He was very understanding and cool with the whole thing which was amazing to me. He told me he still loved me and I would always have his heart. So, that was the last time we saw eachother. We took a picture together and he drove off. After I had the girls he got word and with the timing of it he thought they were his. They came at the right time for him, but really they were three months early. So, he got in touch with me and we wrote letters back and forth for a little while. I sent him pics of the girls and told him I was happy, he let it go and eventually we lost touch.

So, I came home and saw his number on the caller ID and freaked out, I got butterflies in my tummy and had that excited feeling you get when you are a teenager or are newly in love, the excited one. So, I thought I was crazy and ran upstairs to ask Aim if I was seeing right and then I called him back. WOW, it was as if we talked the day before. I mean we just started talking and were on a roll before we realized, SHIT, I am talkin to .....! We talked for about an hour. He said all kinds of things that made me all giddy. We reminissed for a little bit and then he told me he was at work and he would call me as soon as he got off. Sure enough at like 1005 the phone rang and he must have called as soon as he walked out the door because I heard him get in to his car. We ended up talking until 230 in the morning. He told me he still loves me. He told me he was smiling from ear to ear and felt like he was a teenager again, said the excitement was like when I was coming to see him or he was coming here. I felt the same way, but I didn't tell him that. He brought up so many memories that I forgot all about. He said he has never stopped thinkin about me and still has every picture and letter/note I ever gave him. I couldn't believe it. he talked about how I helped shape the person he is today and the father he is. That made me feel good. He asked me to meet him, but I couldn't see getting in the car and driving two hours then turning around and coming back. I wanted to though. I also reminded him he is a married man and he needs to respect and honor that. He told me he married for the wrong reasons and things weren't right. He said that something was missing and he didn't know how long they would be together. I was a good girl and tried to make him positive about it although I wanted to be like leave her and be with me. I am still amazed at how the conversation folled and how natural it all was. I am amazed at all the feelings hearing his voice brought back. The next morning I wanted to wake up and call him, but I didnt and before noon he sent me a text of good morning and how he was still cheesin and couldn't wait to hear my voice again. We talked for about an hour last night. I can't wait to see him. I am not tryin to jump his bones and the feelings I am feeling are more about the friendship and that love then anything else. He and I had something very special, one of those rare finds in a friend.

I still love him and just like everything else in my life I have put it in God's hands and prayed about it.