Moments I want to remember...

Thursday, September 14, 2006

THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

I hate this, I am so torn and confused and it sucks as a Parent (mom) to have to even be in this position.

The Devil (Daddy) called the girls' younger sister yesterday and talked to her about picking her up on Friday, she was ecstatic and then threw back at the Devil, "What about my sisters?", and apparently he responded some type of yes we can pick them up too. B called me to ask me if they wanted to go. Here comes the sick, stomach wrenching, want to throw up decision, do I tell them or not say anything, because I don't want them to go. Am I being selfish or protective? Is he going to hurt my baby again, telling her about her weight, if I ask her if she wants to go will she even remember the pain she felt? Am I going back on my own promise to never keep them from their Dad no matter what my opinion, because it's up to them? If I don't tell them and their baby sisters brings it up will they feel rejected and hurt again? Is it better to just not let them go and get over it or to let them go and suffer the next 10 months he decides not to call or see them? That's right it has been 10 months since he has seen them, not a couple or a few, 10 freaking months!!! When was the last time he saw his other daughters, oh in the last three months. How will this affect them as they get older, more mature and wiser? Have I made up for his sorry A$$ in attention? Is allowing this to go on, the seeing them once a year worse then not letting them see him at all? I honestly don't know. I guess I feel like if I don't hold them back then they can't blame me, the fault will fall on the Devil, where as if I don't let them see him it will be my fault.

I am so torn!! I grew up w/o my dad, never met him and have never even seen a picture of him. I remember when it started to bother me, at the time I begin to notice boys. I remember hating my mom (at the moment) for not allowing him to be in my life. I remember resenting her for making the decision to keep him out of my life instead of allowing me to make that decision. I was angry at her for many years about my Dad. I don't want to put my daughters through that. I also don't want to put them through thinking they have anything to do with the reason their Dad is absent in their lives or only comes around once a year and doesn't call during these missing periods either. My girls left the Devil probably close to 10 messages for him to come to their grad party and he didn't respond to one call and of course didn't show up. That really hurt them and they asked lots of questions which of course I told them, "you two will have to ask Daddy when you talk to him, because I don't know", instead of saying, "That loser A$$hole has no sense of responsibility and doesn't care enough to make an effort to respond"

I have never said a negative or bad thing about him and I don't plan on it because I firmly believe they will draw their own conclusions w/o my input. I also still think they are to young to understand why the Devil does what he does because I don't even understand it.

So, after talking to B last night I decided to ask them if they wanted to see "Daddy", because I always told myself if they want to go I will let them and the way Ty reacted you would have thought I asked her if she wanted to go to Disney World. Trish just said yes and I don't know if it's cause of the last visit or because she wasn't feeling well. I told her she didn't have to go if she didn't want to and that it was up to him. I also made sure to have my back and say It's not definite, just a possibility cause you never know when he isn't going to show, or if he will change his mind and only pick up Ti and not the twins.

So, if anyone has anything to say positive or negative I would really like some input, because all I can go off of is my own feelings.


  • Oh dear. Instinctually, I want to say to maybe convince Tricia to do something else instead, maybe tempt her with a night alone with you or something fun? I know what you mean though, you don't want her to hurt from his brutally attacking comments. I've been on the other end of it and not to encourage pyscho babble talk but I think it only hurt my self esteem and my defenses in the long run. It does lots of damage to your self image to hear someone who you look to for the truth and to see your self in to tell you everything that is so wrong with you when it really isn't. you know? You know I have many emotions invested in this topic so I can't fairly say one way or the other. If he's been only so cruel in his verbal feedback to her, I don't think he deserves to do more damage. :-/ But, it's weird for Ty to go see him and not Tricia. Tough call, My Love. Call me later if you get a chance.

    Love you the mostest.

    By Blogger Claudette, At 4:46 PM  

  • I am soo torn, but they really want to go, so I guess I am going to let them and pray for my angels to protect them and make him choke if he goes to say anything bad to my baby!!!! Just read this, so I didn't get a chance to callyou, but I had back to school night until 930 last night and was worn out after that!!! :)

    By Blogger Harmony, At 9:18 AM  

  • Eeep. It sucks. And you are right about not keeping them away...if you do the girls will lose the trust they have in you and THAT is what will get them through. You. If you compromise that, you have nothing. So continue being honest and open with them and give them all the love that you do and things will somehow work out the way they are supposed to.

    Resentment it a bitch, so is broken trust.

    Can you address the issue with Tricia before she sees him? I am not sure who to go about doing it, but can you pump her up in someway to make her more immune to his nastiness if it somes to that. I pray that he can bite his effing tongue and not be an ass this one time.

    By Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana), At 12:31 PM  

  • Trish doesn't really need pumping up with her cute self. She is all about herself and even more so now that she has received soooo many compliments since her new hair style. I don't think she respects him therefore I don't think she really pays him to much attention, but it sucks to hear crap like that from anyone, but especially your father.

    He is suppose to pick them up today after school!!!! I hope I get there before he does, I just might have the balls to say something, we haven't spoke in two years now, no communication!!!

    By Blogger Harmony, At 1:49 PM  

  • Eeeekkkk.. what a tough situation. I tend to agree with you that the girls are better off without him, but I think you did the right thing in telling them and letting THEM decide if they wanted to go. If he continues to fail them, as they get older, they will probably get so fed up they won't want to bother with him.

    Men!!!! It's one thing how much they dog women, but they should never treat their kids that way!!!!

    By Blogger Suvii, At 4:15 PM  

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