Moments I want to remember...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

my life

I have been thinking a lot about my life and myself aver the last few months, trying to get myself together and on track to be a normal person, I am a little crazy, just ask anyone who knows me. I have definitely made improvements to myself over this last year, I mean incredible ones. I have overcome a lot and dealt with even more. I am really proud of myself and the accomplishments I have made, but there is so much more I would like to achieve for myself. I don’t know if I try to focus on too many things at once or if I can only focus on one thing, but I need to keep working I know that. I have learned a lot about myself in this last year and can even finally say that I like me; I can’t wait to fall in love with me. I wonder if that will ever happen or will it be years down the road.

I realize, or think anyway, that I will not find true love or allowed myself to be loved until I love me and that kills me. I hate it because I think I will be single forever and I am okay with that right now, but I know at some point I am going to be over R and ready for a relationship again. I want to work on letting him go, but how does one do that. I mean I don’t want to be with him, I have cut him totally out of my life; in fact it has been four months since I have seen or talked to him. I put away all the memories (except for pics cause they are in albums, but I don’t look at them). I don’t associate with anyone he does anymore. In spite of all this, I still think of him and dream about him.

I heard a song on the radio that felt like I was singing it, I will try to find the lyrics.

I got totally off topic here, Me being positive that is and being proud of all the changes I have made and moving forward to better myself, fall in love with myself and be a good role model for my daughters. I will continue to make changes and be proud of what I have done in this last year.

For all of you who have known me for a while you know what I am talking about and for all of you who don't know I am finally doing right by ME.


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