Moments I want to remember...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Still getting through

So, I am making it through each day and I am still waiting for it to get easier, the being w/o …….

I have started a new book, scrapbook, after weeks of gathering and organizing pictures, I actually started last night. It’s a very special book, I guess they all are, but this one is very precious to me.

I have decided, don’t want to take pictures anymore until I can start getting serious about weight loss, yea right, I love pictures TOOOOO MUCH, but I hate seeing myself in them lately, ewwwwwwwwww. So, I worked out hard last night, ran, did the elliptical, biked and lifted. It felt good. I really wish I had a heavy bag to beat up on.

I am having a harder time getting to sleep as each night goes by, even with the sleeping meds, it sucks. I know I will get through this, just a matter of time. How much time, I don’t know, but I am strong and I know I deserve better, the BEST!!! So, even though I think I hear him outside of my window on some nights I will continue to ignore it and remind myself that love isn’t all it takes, it takes so much more.

The most important thing to me right now is getting through and staying positive, keeping busy and reminding myself of my inner strength which is POWERFUL when I am determined.

I miss him though, most of all his tenderness and laughter. Seeing the pictures is hard, but at the same time it’s nice to remember.

I really want to go back to church and I just can’t get myself there. I love church, I love listening to the sermons and hearing the choir sing, I love the way I feel and the spirit with in me. I love the strength I have after hearing the word of God. I think one reason I can’t get there is because I no longer have a home church and finding one feels overwhelming, but I am going to get past this, because I know being in the church will give me everything I am searching for right now to feel better. Plus my kids REALLY want to go, they love church. Every night I have been praying for the Lord to give me strength and guidance to get back to church, to find my way, but I know I need to make it happen too. Like working out, once I start and find my way, it’s easy, it’s just that getting started part that gets me every time.

1 Comments:

  • Wait, whoa, what? You hear him outside your window some nights? Herh? Are you sure?

    I know you will stick to this strength that you're tapping into and work through this self inventory that you're doing. You're going to be able to look back and see only the best is left and coming to the surface.

    speaking of finding a church though, I was talking to M'ers about this yesterday. You know I've never had a profound faith and don't know if it's a lack of meaningful words that I've heard in church or what but to me, it means nothing like what it means to you or many others in my life. I'm envious though of that love that you guys have. It's a very raw and optimistic one.

    By Blogger Claudette, At 3:52 PM  

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